What the Bible Says About Forgiveness

A Bible verse that always catches my attention is Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” The note about the astounding measure of our forgiveness toward each other profoundly impacts me. How can I be as forgiving as God? Yet that’s the standard to which Paul holds believers: forgive each other just as God forgave you through Christ. That is immeasurable, boundless, complete forgiveness.

A friend told me about a time he visited the beach. There was a rowdy group of young people there. They were loud, cursed, and wrote offensive and embarrassing words and symbols in the sand.

But then something happened. The sky opened and it began to rain. The cloudburst sent the noisy group packing. After fifteen minutes or so, the sky cleared and the sun shone through again. My friend was glad he decided to wait it out. Then he noticed something: every nasty thing drawn or written in the sand had been entirely erased by that brief rainstorm. The rain had washed it all away.

That’s a picture of God’s forgiveness. Christ’s death, burial and resurrection doesn’t selectively forgive things we do. If we are in Christ, we are entirely washed clean and forgiven (see Ephesians 1:7; 1 John 1:7). That kind of complete forgiveness is what Paul says we should also grant one another.

Why Forgive?

You likely agree that this is easier said than done. Forgiveness—let’s be honest—can be incredibly difficult. In some cases, we might even think it’s impossible. Does the Bible offer us guidance?

The answer is: yes, the Bible helps us understand how to forgive. But before we unpack that, let’s also remember why this is so important. Why does it really matter whether we forgive one another?

Forgiving each other is essential for Christian unity. Jesus prays for unity among believers in what is often called his high priestly prayer. He asks God that all believers “may be one” just as the Son and the Father are one (see John 17:21). He prays for the “complete unity” of all believers, and then he gives the reason: “Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:23).

Jesus teaches that the unity of believers is a testimony to the world of God’s love. When Christians forgive one another completely, we model the grace and love of Christ and point those around us to their true Savior. Forgiving each other isn’t just about “getting along,” as important as that is. True, Christlike forgiveness shows the world who God is and points people to God’s love.

How Do We Forgive?

So, how do we practice Christian forgiveness and reconciliation? Jesus lays out practical steps in Matthew 18:15–17. First, seek to settle the issue privately with the person who has wronged you, just between the two of you. This means you don’t gossip about what they did; you hold it in confidence and speak directly to them. If they don’t listen to you, try to meet with them again, but this time bring one or two others along. This isn’t to “gang up” on them, but to encourage them to take their misdeed seriously so that you can work through the conflict and be fully reconciled. (Remember, Christians must always speak the truth “in love” [Ephesians 4:15]). If they still refuse to listen, you can then bring the matter to the church.

By this point, it is expected that the person is willing to reconcile. If not, however, Jesus has grave words: If they refuse to listen to the church, treat them as an outsider (see Matthew 18:17). Remember, though, even outsiders and enemies are to be treated with love in God’s kingdom (see Matthew 5:44). Disciples who resist living as true members of Christ’s family should always be treated with compassion and encouraged to repent.

The way this process was carried out in first-century house churches will likely be different from how this is carried out today. Rather than going before your entire congregation, bringing select church leaders into the conversation might be more appropriate.

As an important side note, we should also acknowledge that this process may vary when power dynamics are involved. If a person is abused or wronged by someone in a position of authority, making that person go to their abuser one-on-one is unwise and potentially harmful. In those cases, one or two witnesses, or advocates, should be called upon right away.

Keep Forgiving

After Jesus lays out this three-step model for forgiveness, Peter raises the logical follow-up question: “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21).

Seven times might seem like a lot. There certainly are people who have settled into an unwillingness to forgive long before seven offenses. Let’s give Peter credit: suggesting seven times sounds generous. It’s more than double the traditional expectations of his day.

Jesus’ response, however, blows the doors of our forgiveness wide open: “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22). This does not mean you should go sharpen your pencil and start keeping tally marks. No, Jesus’ response effectively tells his disciples that the number of times doesn’t matter. Don’t keep count. Just keep forgiving.

Now, as another important side note, this doesn’t mean letting others walk all over you or harm you. But it does mean being perpetually willing to forgive. After all, Christ doesn’t keep count of our sins. He washes them clean, like letters on the beach. And, as Paul says, we are to forgive just as God forgave us through Christ. That’s a “no limits” posture of forgiveness.

Because He First Loved Us

The Bible tells us that we love because God first loved us (see 1 John 4:19). We can say the same thing about forgiveness. Christians forgive one another because God has forgiven us. And since God’s not keeping tally marks; neither must we.

The challenge for us is to decouple our idea of forgiveness from how much the other person “deserves” it. We don’t “deserve” to be forgiven of our sins, yet we are. The key is to stop focusing on what others have done to us and to focus instead on what Christ has done for us!

The path to unity and reconciliation requires that we forgive as a demonstration of love and Christlikeness. Forgiveness is a first step toward reconciliation, reconciliation is necessary for unity, and Christian unity shows the world the love of God.

Adapted from the study material from the NIV Application Bible based on the NIV Application Commentary series.